Josh’s Rules of Life

As I was rummaging through some boxes left over from when my parents packed my old room at the house up to move to the condo, I found an old blue notebook. This was(and still is) a special notebook. Its the book I used to free write ideas for short stories, most of which I have never bothered to finish. What can I say, not every idea for a story is a good one. Anyway, there is something else special about this book, it houses the original copy of the first 38 rules of life as written by me. Bear in mind these rules came about after watching the Star Trek TNG episode entitled “The Game.” In the episode Ensign Robin Lefler (Ashley Judd) befriends Wesley Crusher (Wil Wheaton). During the episode, as they are trying to fight a brain washing addictive video game the crew is slowly getting hooked on, she tells Wes of her 102 rules for life. (No I didn’t pull that all from memory, I do own a hard copy of the Star Trek Encyclopedia.)

Without further ado, here are my rules of life:

  1. Revised Golden Rule – Do onto others as they have done onto you. (First encounters should follow the Original Golden Rule)
  2. Don’t ask a snake why it wants to bite you.
  3. Promises are made to be broken, but a man’s word is his bond.
  4. If you believe everything without doing your own research, ask yourself why you think the sky is falling.
  5. Vengeance is wrong, but I do admit it can be fun.
  6. If you don’t want someone to do something, don’t tell them not to do it. (Especially true for teenagers)
  7. Murphy’s Law Expanded – Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. If it didn’t go wrong, you’ll find out later it would have benefited you more if it had gone wrong.
  8. If everyone else is listening to Alternative music, listen to classical music. (i.e. Dare to be different)
  9. If you know a persons weakness, you can trick them into doing stuff they normally wouldn’t do (I should have remembered that in October of 2005)
  10. Be a leader, not a boss.
  11. If you can’t kill something, cut off its food supply.
  12. Be consistently inconsistent.
  13. Consistency in events drives people insane.
  14. Life is like a game of Magic the Gathering, 9 times out of 10 you are going to get mana screwed.
  15. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
  16. Knowledge is power.
  17. To truly wound someone, you must break their heart.
  18. Don’t get depressed over what you want, improvise with what you’ve got.
  19. A laugh a day will keep you from going insane.
  20. Don’t tell someone a secret unless you want the whole world to know.
  21. Look out for your family and friends, and they will return the favor.
  22. Enemies will unite under a common goal.
  23. Living is worth dying for.
  24. You don’t have to lie, just don’t tell the whole truth.
  25. Be the exception to any rule.
  26. Sometimes it is wiser to retreat than to sacrifice needlessly.
  27. Procrastination is fun, but it will catch up to you sooner than you think.
  28. Always give someone a fair chance.
  29. Trust no one but yourself.
  30. Don’t spend $1000 for a chance to win a dime.
  31. Strive to make friends, not enemies.
  32. The use of big words often makes people think you are smarter than you really are. It can also make you look like an arrogant ass.
  33. Book smarts is useless without Common Sense.
  34. Try not to false start in the race of life.
  35. The person that should be in office will never run.
  36. Tragedy will always befall the braggart.
  37. Everyone has an ulterior motive.
  38. There is no such thing as coincidence.
  39. Never date a girl that has the same name as your last ex.
  40. When your friends are drama queens, don’t be surprised when social conspiracies get blow way out of proportion.
  41. If the place you live allows private citizens to carry guns, you might want to start being nice to every stranger you meet.
  42. So long and thanks for all the fish.
  43. Divorce will cost you more than the wedding, so be sure you really want to marry your partner.
  44. An ill worded spell of protection can degrade into the worst curse you’ve ever known.
  45. Rouges do it from behind.
  46. Its hard to trust someone when they abandon you when they are needed most.
  47. Never say “Never Again”.
  48. Recognizing your crap and getting over your crap is not the same thing.
  49. A man that can lose his finger, and laugh about it the next day, is a man who can truly accept the things which he can not change.
  50. When all else fails, read the directions.
  51. Even smart people get caught when committing a crime, because it only takes one mistake.
  52. People will believe anything they want to believe, or fear to believe. (Wizard’s First Rule)
  53. The greatest harm can result from the best intentions (Wizard’s Second Rule)
  54. Passion rules reason, for better or for worse (Wizard’s Third Rule)
  55. There is magic in sincere forgiveness, the magic to heal. In forgiveness you grant, but more so, in forgiveness you receive. (Wizard’s Fourth Rule)
  56. Mind what people do, not only what they say, for deeds will betray a lie. (Wizard’s Fifth Rule)
  57. The only sovereign you can allow to rule you is reason. (Wizard’s Sixth Rule)
  58. Life is the future, not the past. (Wizard’s Seventh Rule)
  59. Deserve victory. (Wizard’s Eighth Rule)
  60. A contradiction cannot exist in reality. Not in part, nor in whole. (Wizard’s Ninth Rule)
  61. Willfully turning aside from the truth is treason to one’s self. (Wizard’s Tenth Rule)
  62. Ethics is doing the right thing even if it is difficult.
  63. There are three types of people in this world. Those who don’t know what happened, those who wonder what happened, and those that make shit happen. Be type three. (Three types according to Andrew Engelbert)
  64. Freedom is never easy to keep and can easily be lost. All it takes is willful indifference. (Terry Goodkind in “Chainfire”)